Oink...
Last night’s premier episode of Khloe and Lamar did not let me down. In fact, I actually laughed out loud for realz at least twice which is unheard of for a Kardashian TV show. Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odum have now been married for 2 years and it actually seems like they have a relationship that rarely exists in the Hollywood realm. This season will follow the couple through the NBA lockout, moving to Dallas, pregnancy struggles, and of course Kim’s divorce heard around the world. Last night’s episode was just a teaser of what is to come throughout the season, but sadly, I think I’m already hooked.
Imagine Khloe Kardashian’s fat ass strapped in to a leather sex swing that she herself fastened into the ceiling. She’s about as handy as Ryan Seacrest with a Fisher Price set of children’s tools, but last night in an attempt to ‘spice up her sex life’ she was determined to try something new and exciting. The unfortunate screw intended to secure the swing to the ceiling immediately popped out once she sat in it…right in front of Lamar. A genuine LOL moment, how humiliating would that be?! Oh honey…that was a bad, bad idea. Instead of Lamar’s hot dog, I’m sure Khloe was just fine with an all you can eat buffet of real food to remedy her embarrassment. Read More
Khloe and Lamar Odom
Khloe Kardashian appeared on the Today show this morning to promote the upcoming season of Khloe and Lamar, which starts this Sunday night. Khloe actually looked gorgeous, her hair and makeup was flawless, her dress was appropriate and she didn’t reach into her bag half way through her interview for a donut. The interview was typical and talked about her bizarre family, moving to Dallas and the pressures of constant media attention. Then the subject changed to the rumors surrounding Khloe and Lamar’s troubles with pregnancy.
In previous episodes we have watched Khloe and Lamar struggle to conceive their first child together. Lamar already has children from a previous relationship, so obviously there’s nothing wrong with his plumbing down there…everything works just fine. When asked about how he felt on the issue, a clip was shown where he admitted that he was jealous of Kourtney and Scott, because they are already preggers with baby #2. In response Khloe said,
“It broke my heart. I didn’t think he felt that way. It’s always in the plan for Lamar and I to start a family.” Read More
Meet Kim K's Replacement, Mr. Quigley!
Hopefully you didn’t miss the best commercial of the entire Super Bowl broadcast which featured Skechers latest Shape Up shoes. Remember that their ad last year featured Kim Kardashian in her sports bra seducing the viewer and trying to make a yoga mat look sexy. This year Skechers saved the company a fortune by substituting Kim for a cute little French bulldog named Mr. Quigley, which turned out to be an excellent decision.
The ad focused on a dog race in which the Frenchie underdog championed over his competition and took home the trophy thanks to his Skechers. Mr. Quigley finished in record time and “moon-walked” across the finish line. Read More
Baby, I promise to love you forever...or until I'm over it.
It was a miracle that both Kourtney and Kim took enough time from texting to film a season finale, as that is what 15% of the total epidode typically includes. Last night, Kim wowed the audience with her abysmal acting abilities, pretending that she ever cared about her ex-husband Kris Humphries. It was truly pathetic to watch Kim shed black eyeliner globs for tears over her impending divorce from Kris. Throughout the episode she confesses her “embarrassment” and the “waste of money and time” that she and her friends and family have suffered over her fairytale wedding. This episode featured the K-Klan’s last week in NYC and was as dramatic as Kris Jenner and Ryan Seacrest had envisioned.
The season finale included several awkward discussions between Kim and Kourtney. During the first, Kim confesses to Kourtney that she doesn’t think she can make it work with Kris any longer. Before throwing in the towel completely, Kim makes a phony pledge that she will “give her all” to ensure that her marriage has a fighting chance at survival. Kourtney looked like she wasn’t buying any of Kim’s shit, but did a great job going along with the charade. Read More
Two things that Kris Jenner's vagina have in common.
Don’t get your hopes up, it isn’t Sasquatch, or King Kong, but at least we were on the right track all along. Greasy, cheating, lying, skank-to-pus Kris Jenner is going to have a hard time trying to explain this latest news about Khloe Kardashian’s real dad. The people at Hollywoodite have me singing Hallelujah this afternoon as the riddle has finally been solved. My sleepless nights are over and behind me are the wasted days of wonderment, as Khloe’s real father has been found.
After all this time it seems like Kris Jenner’s frequent visits to the hair salon included more than a cut, color and rinse. Her longtime friend, hairstylist and possible spermcicle, Alex Roldan apparently used his own personal brand of super sticky conditioner on Jenner at least once…squirt. Before we point fingers, (too late, mine are already pointing) let’s take a moment to review the facts. Read More
Hollywood's Most Famous Scam Artist
Yesterday Kim Kardashian co-hosted Live with Kelly and opened up to discuss details about her failed marriage to Kris Humphries. Kardashian confronted the questions like an ice queen, no tears, no emotion, and very matter of fact. Always showing signs of discomfort, constantly moving around in her chair and playing with her extensions, Kim made jokingly addressed the “rumors” that she made millions of dollars off of her 72 day marriage.
”If you really think about it, if this was a business decision and I really made allllllll of the money that people claimed I made…I’m a smart business woman…I would have stayed married longer! … It was a bad business decision.”
Oh Kim, you are so funny! We believe you gurl; that brain of yours is so big, we trust that you would never make a decision based on the opportunity of personal financial gain. Read More
"We're totes Over..."
Last night on the first episode of the season finale of Kourtney and Kim Take New York it was blatantly apparent that Kris Humphries and Kim Kardashian’s marriage was doomed. (Which by the way, since when do you get two episodes for a season finale?) Wouldn’t the second to last episode count as the regular season? Is this just Kris Jenner’s way of infiltrating our brains and turning them into mush so the public remains helplessly infatuated with her family? But on last evening’s episode I was pleasingly surprised with Kris Humphries’ totally-fed-up-with-Kim’s-shit attitude.
It’s evident that Kim’s kamp is focused on making Kris’ ill treatment of Kim responsible for the split, which makes these last few episodes worth watching. Last night Kris’ sister Kaela came to visit from Minnesota and it was a huge inconvenience for Kim’s busy schedule. Kim purposefully avoided Kaela to keep her from picking up on the mounting tension between Kris and Kim. Kaela seemed a little confused that Kim didn’t want to spend time with her husband and sister in law. Poor thing, doesn’t understand that no one else on the planet matters to the Kardashians, except for the Kardashians. Read More
Kim Kardashian in her Shape-Ups
Sadly it’s not because she developed a nasty case of mange, or fleas, but you will not see Kim’s Skechers ad aired during the Super Bowl this year. The president for Skechers Fitness, Leonard Armato commented on Kim as a spokeswoman for Shape-Ups to USA Today, “Kim got us more attention than we ever dreamed.” In the past year, it hasn’t been good attention; this is a smart move for Leonard.
Armato continued, “We have to establish Skechers as more than a lifestyle company.”
We are sure that Kim’s lifestyle is not what they had in mind when she signed her contract. Even though it would be a trendy sales pitch to advertise Shape-Ups that toned your ass in 72 days or less. They could include a glimpse of Kris Humphries and $17 million dollars fading away in the background and Kris Jenner’s beaming face floating around with the cash. Read More
No So Sexy Scandal from Bruce and Kris!
Blog sites are buzzing today with a new story from the fame hungry loins of Kris Jenner. The story reports that in an attempt to lure ex-husband Robert towards a divorce, Kris let her kids catch her in bed with Bruce Jenner. *Shudder* Sorry, the vision of a naked soggy sweet potato with a gold medal around its neck is truly repulsive.
Maybe that’s where Kim got the idea for the sex tape that catapulted her into the spotlight.
“Mommy, what are you doing?”
“Kim, you will thank me one day for this, grab the video camera.”
The report also said that Kris Jenner was trying to secure funds so that she and her children could continue to live a lavish lifestyle and that Robert and Kris were “toe-to-toe” over her unbelievable spending habits. Once Robert found out about Kris’ affair with Bruce he cancelled her credit cards and tried cut her off from the money teet. Honestly, he should have pulled an O.J. on her right then and there. Read More
- “We Hate Being Famous.”
“Turn that camera off.”
“We think we are going to take some time off from the spotlight. ”
“We don’t believe in cosmetic surgery.”
“Kourtney, l totally can’t wait to play Trivial Pursuit later.”
“Khloe wants to take a DNA test to prove she’s one of us.”
“Even though your brother doesn’t make me any money, I still love him.”
“I married Kris Humphries for love, he can have whatever he wants in the settlement.”
“Bruce, you look as good….I think that’s Bruce.”
“Let’s get an early dinner, Kim said she’s going to be on time.”
“We can run some quick errands without our makeup. ”
“Let’s donate our commission to charity.”
“Kim, your boobs are too big.”
“Being famous for nothing is the best thing that’s ever happened to us!”
“Do these pants make my ass look fat?”
“Khloe said she’s not hungry. “
