Two things that Kris Jenner's vagina have in common.

Don’t get your hopes up, it isn’t Sasquatch, or King Kong, but at least we were on the right track all along.  Greasy, cheating, lying, skank-to-pus Kris Jenner is going to have a hard time trying to explain this latest news about  Khloe Kardashian’s real dad. The people at Hollywoodite have me singing Hallelujah this afternoon as the riddle has finally been solved. My sleepless nights are over and behind me are the wasted days of wonderment, as Khloe’s real father has been found.

After all this time it seems like Kris Jenner’s frequent visits to the hair salon included more than a cut, color and rinse. Her longtime friend, hairstylist and possible spermcicle, Alex Roldan apparently used his own personal brand of super sticky conditioner on Jenner at least once…squirt. Before we point fingers, (too late, mine are already pointing) let’s take a moment to review the facts.

Subject A, Robert Kardashian was only 5’7” tall, had a darker skin complexion identical to Kim and Kourtney who are both incredibly petite and happen to be about 5’3”. According to Robert’s ex-wives, he had suspicions that Khloe wasn’t his child and that explains why she looks nothing like her sisters.  Now, subject B, Alex Roldan is at least 6’ tall, (Khloe is 5’10), has a fair skin complexion, the nose and cheek bone structure of a George Lucas character and looks exactly like Khloe. Fa’realz, problem solved, Khloe meet your dad.

Of course, Kris Jenner is going to make as much money as she can from the attention this story is collecting; an episode of Keeping up with the Kardashians is already in the works. Just exactly what any caring mother would do if one of her children suffered a lifetime of ridicule as the too tall, less attractive, heavier sister, who just wanted some answers. I think I really hate Kris Jenner right now.

Kris has been over exposed to the dangerous chemicals lurking in black hair dye for a LOT of years and her brain is about the size of a squirrel’s, but it is going to be extremely difficult for her to talk her way out of this one.  Sadly, I can already hear her voice in my head…

“It must have happened when I sat in his shampoo chair for a rinse, his chromosomes just crawled inside my vagina and a baby grew. It was totes cray.”

Is there any doubt in your mind that this man is not Khloe Roldan-Kardashian-Odom’s father?