Baby Blue gets a Godmother!

Proud parents Beyonce and Jay-Z have announced that none other but the Second Lady of the United States will be the godmother of their baby girl Blue Ivy Carter. Oprah Winfrey was chosen by Beyonce and Jay, as apparently they have become very close friends over the last few years. If having all the luck in the world and becoming the blessed spawn of Beyonce wasn’t already over the top awesome, she gets Oprah as a backup?! Life is so unfair.

Now, for several reasons I wouldn’t want to be selected as the godfather for baby Blue. But apparently Tyran Smith, who is a close friend of Jay’s, is up to the challenge. I don’t think I could manage the stress of being the un-famous, half-relative trying to compete with Oprah for the best Christmas gifts and birthday presents for the next 18 years. Smith has no shot of being the favorite when he has the Big O to compete with. Don’t forget, she gave complete strangers in her audience mini vans, exotic islands and humpback whales.

Best of luck to Tyran…he’s going to need it.

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Simply Tragic...

It sounds like Heidi Klum is throwing her stuff into bags as fast as she can while a desperate Seal clings to her skinny ankle and begs for her not to go. Similar to the sad little seals you see on Animal Planet, just before a polar bear swoops them from their pack for a nice lunch. Seal has been on the interview circuit since the split including, Ellen and Piers Morgan trying to plead his case to the media.

Seal reiterated that the wedding vows he shared with Heidi were sacred and that he will honor them forever. Strangely still wearing his wedding ring, he commented that the ring will stay on as a symbol for the love that they will always share… That’s weird, Heidi is def not wearing her ring, because that’s what happens when someone files for divorce, creeper.  But, basically he is going to stalk the shit out of her and try to lock her up in a leather love dungeon so she can never get away. It is odd that they can commit to wearing ludicrous couple-themed Halloween costumes and dress up like freaking chimps in front of millions of people, but not follow through on their marriage. They even commited to furry face paint… sigh… Read More

Two things that Kris Jenner's vagina have in common.

Don’t get your hopes up, it isn’t Sasquatch, or King Kong, but at least we were on the right track all along.  Greasy, cheating, lying, skank-to-pus Kris Jenner is going to have a hard time trying to explain this latest news about  Khloe Kardashian’s real dad. The people at Hollywoodite have me singing Hallelujah this afternoon as the riddle has finally been solved. My sleepless nights are over and behind me are the wasted days of wonderment, as Khloe’s real father has been found.

After all this time it seems like Kris Jenner’s frequent visits to the hair salon included more than a cut, color and rinse. Her longtime friend, hairstylist and possible spermcicle, Alex Roldan apparently used his own personal brand of super sticky conditioner on Jenner at least once…squirt. Before we point fingers, (too late, mine are already pointing) let’s take a moment to review the facts. Read More

Today on Intervention: Slimfast Addiction

Malnutrition and separation anxiety from Ashton’s beard are not the suspected causes unfortunately. Last night Demi Moore was rushed to the hospital and some have said the cause is likely substance abuse related. Since she is now so incredibly rail thin, perhaps too many Slimfasts are to blame? Should we call the people at Intervention for a good come to Jesus?

A representative for Demi cited “exhaustion” and “overall health” as the cause for her hospital visit, not the fact that she hasn’t had a whole meal packed full of carby-goodness in about 6 months. The full statement explains:

“”Because of the stresses in her life right now, Demi has chosen to seek professional assistance to treat her exhaustion and improve her overall health. She looks forward to getting well and is grateful for the support of her family and friends.” Read More

Don't Mess with this Momma

Not for false engagment reports and not for being a total MILF, but Halle Berry is out to make her baby daddy, Gabriel Aubrey, sorry he ever spent time in her hot pocket.

Allegedly Gabriel has a pretty nasty temper and lost his shiz with the nanny while she was in his home. Reports state that Aubrey became violent, as he shoved her, despite his daughter Nahla being in her arms. The confrontation heated up as he shouted racial slurs,  unaffected by the fact that his daugther was present.   This has the L.A. County Department of Children and Family Services all over his ass, investigating any signs of child endangerment.

The nanny, Alliance Kamden told police that it wasn’t unusual for Aubry to make a scene in front of Nahla; his anger frequently causes her to cry in fear of her father. Kamden quit her nanny job last week when the confrontation occurred and there is no proof yet on the allegations against Gabriel. Read More

Hollywood's Most Famous Scam Artist

Yesterday Kim Kardashian co-hosted Live with Kelly and opened up to discuss details about her failed marriage to Kris Humphries. Kardashian confronted the questions like an ice queen, no tears, no emotion, and very matter of fact. Always showing signs of discomfort, constantly moving around in her chair and playing with her extensions, Kim made jokingly addressed the “rumors” that she made millions of dollars off of her 72 day marriage.

”If you really think about it, if this was a business decision and I really made allllllll of the money that people claimed I made…I’m a smart business woman…I would have stayed married longer! … It was a bad business decision.”

Oh Kim, you are so funny! We believe you gurl; that brain of yours is so big, we trust that you would never make a decision based on the opportunity of personal financial gain. Read More

"Muah ha ha! You're trapped now Jay!"

Remember when Kristin Cavallari posted pictures of herself wearing wedding dresses online, just before her planned nuptials to Jay Cutler?

Remember when he called off the wedding shortly after that and she was totally humiliated?

Like left at the altar humiliated, destined for a future full of cats and coupons.

Fast forwarding to their next morsel for the media, Kristin and Jay once again announced they were engaged, like a pair of on again off again middle schoolers.  But this time, there’s no turning back for Jay…the happy couple is expecting their first child. Read More

"We're totes Over..."

Last night on the first episode of the season finale of Kourtney and Kim Take New York it was blatantly apparent that Kris Humphries and Kim Kardashian’s marriage was doomed.  (Which by the way, since when do you get two episodes for a season finale?) Wouldn’t the second to last episode count as the regular season? Is this just Kris Jenner’s way of infiltrating our brains and turning them into mush so the public remains helplessly infatuated with her family? But on last evening’s episode I was pleasingly surprised with Kris Humphries’ totally-fed-up-with-Kim’s-shit attitude.

It’s evident that Kim’s kamp is focused on making Kris’ ill treatment of Kim responsible for the split, which makes these last few episodes worth watching. Last night Kris’ sister Kaela came to visit from Minnesota and it was a huge inconvenience for Kim’s busy schedule.  Kim purposefully avoided Kaela to keep her from picking up on the mounting tension between Kris and Kim. Kaela seemed a little confused that Kim didn’t want to spend time with her husband and sister in law. Poor thing, doesn’t understand that no one else on the planet matters to the Kardashians, except for the Kardashians. Read More

Seal and Heidi Call it Quits!

This goes to show that even the happiest couples in Hollywood have their secrets!

Heidi Klum and her husband since May of 2005, Seal are reportedly headed for Splitsville. Sources claim that Heidi is expected to file early next week, which truly is a little shocking. Maybe renewing those vows every year on their anniversary wasn’t such a good idea…

Perhaps the “irreconcilable differences” are due to the fact that Heidi is tired of sleeping with a man who doesn’t have a real name. It’d be hard to respect a guy like that. Or, she has finally given up on trying to figure out what “kissed by a rose on the grave” really means. No matter what the reason may be the couple do have 3 children together and Seal had adopted Heidi’s oldest daughter from a previous marriage. Get ready for non stop news about their bitter custody battles. Shit’s about to get real. Read More

Etta James

News spread quickly Friday that the passionate, powerhouse contralto with six Grammy’s and a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame had passed away at 73 due to complications from leukemia. Best known for her classic hit “At Last” the queen of southern soul inspired many of today’s stars with her bluesy, emotional ballads.

“Playing Etta James taught me so much about myself, and singing her music inspired me to be a stronger artist. When she effortlessly opened her mouth, you could hear her pain and triumph. Her deeply emotional way of delivering a song told her story with no filter. She was fearless, and had guts. She will be missed.” Beyonce played James in the 2008 film “Cadillac Records”. Read More